Youaxisofmyworld
by Ikari no Koe
Summary: "It's okay," it's not "we're gonna be okay," we're not "it's all going to be okay" NEVER again. #Simon, River, first episode perspective#


**It's mainly an experiment with River-like POV... A bit influenced by Forward, I admit, but I tried to set my own tone and logic to the text. **

**_Disclaimer: _No, I don't own Firefly. Don't we all wish we did?  
**

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**You_axisofmyworld_**

There are more things in heaven and earth that are dreamt of in your philosophy – _Horatio,_ it is proper to remember Horatio – but the first thing is the _ugly arrowfeeling_ that runs and hits me with hunger_greed. _

It's more _arrow _than _feeling, _because it _hurts_, because I look at the wide _wide_ eyes and they can see me in that _place again _– and thinking of that _place_ is _being _in that _place _even though it shouldn't be and they're _coming – coming – coming at __**me – go. away. **_

**You. You. Where?**

(Human beings _shrink_ and_ regain _height in a regular basis – vertebrae are eighty-eight percent _water_ and they lose and they regain water like a _merry-go-round_ – anomalies and deterioration with age may interfere in the process.

I am young. _I think. _

There isn't any anomaly of such sort in my vertebrae. _I think. I know. There wasn't. _

Therefore, I cannot feel _smaller._)

_(But I do.)_

_Small. __**You.**_

_**Where are you? **_

Showers can be of rain and of asteroids and of arterial blood, arteries being pierced _and I never see/saw/seen so much __**blood**_– and I look amazed and afraid as they hit me from all sides – this time, they're of feelings, different timbres and voices and **your**_ voice _and there's _**fear**__. _

There are tears in my eyes as I start to do the math – because **you**_axisofmyworld_** – **and the man_Captain_ who is closest is _fast _but I can be _faster _and the woman_Zöe_ _umlaut _over the _o _sees what he doesn't see _and that's what makes her a_ _good firstmate_ and the man_JayneCobb_ who is holding you _has no right of doing that _isn't intelligent but is _smart _and might harm **you** faster than I can _reach_ **you**not counting the element of _surprise, so he's gotta go first—_and the oil-covered woman with the big eyes—

(_Sexual desire_ is biological drive, much in the same way as hunger. The primary function of the body is to survive the act of mating is prolonging survival the search for sexual pleasure is a mindless incentive that ensures that the body keeps on mating.)

(I'm naked.)

**Your **scream and **your **_fear_ hits me tangentially as I drop to the floor and the shower_offeelingsfromallsides _does not _threat _but _pities. Pity _feels very, very weird against my tongue and _there's hands._

_Simon. _

**Your **hands are so little in mine.

_Simon!_

The _fear _is in your eyes is _for__**ofme**__._

Oh, how the mighty have fallen – _The weapons of war were perished._

"Simon," **you**'re speaking. "Simon, I'm here, it's River—_Simon_—"

There is a cut in **your **face. _Blood drips at a velocity of 1cl/s. _**Tears** do not _belong, _have to _**be erased**__. _

"It's okay," _**it's not**_"we're gonna be okay,"_**we're not **_"it's all going to be okay"_**NEVER again.**_

Arms shake and tremble and **tears** feel _wet_ – and **you **don't_ belong - _intelligence of mind does not preclude maturity of mind but "_there's no place like home."_

(Humans can find comfort in certain actions.)

**Your **breath against my shoulder is wet and panting and _salt in __**your **__hair _but **you** feel_ better and _I feel _better. _"Are you safe?" I ask.

_Still Simon_bigbrother_, happiness, _"Of course, yes_,"_ _for__**now.**_

_Laughing and crying at the same time is creepy, _the man_JayneCobb _says_thinks _and he's right.

I've unlearned how to stop crying. I ought to learn again –Iknow **you**_axisofmyworld_ don't really mind, but a **big brother** shouldn't let his **little sister **see him cry_._

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**I said it was an experiment with River-like POV, not with River's POV, hehe... Seriously, now, I guess everyone who watched Firefly thought about how things would be if Simon was the crazy one, and not River. I guess things would be more difficult, since River is a seventeen-year-old girl who probably barely knew how to take care of herself, and Simon is physically stronger than she is. Simon would have his own brand of craziness - I tried to write him as rationalizing things to try to control his thought process, but being unable to -; also, his instinct of taking care of River surely wouldn't be gone, and I think he would be more prone to attack whenever he perceived River to be in danger. River would have to use the safeword a lot more than Simon does... :( Kaylee feels some lust for Simon because, hey, pretty naked guy, but it's not as big as deal as Simon thinks it is - because Simon is still his proper self at his core, so he'd be embarrassed, obviously.  
**

**If anything, Mal would have a good surprise when he opened the box. XD  
**

**Love it? Hate it? Please let me know!  
**


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